Actually,

Paint me a pretty smile:
I'll tell you
That you're beautiful,
He said.

I said,
You can't give me beauty:
I possess it for myself.
I am.

Sweetness and Light

A cool, pale princess

Fit to wind down the heat

Delicate ankles:

So gentle and sweet

Well, gentle and sweet

That ain't complete, boy

Gentle and sweet

Is not complete.

I know you see me

And it just ain't quite right

Something uncomfortable

Sours sweetness and light

Well, sweetness and light

Can't put up a fight, boy

Sweetness and light

Won't survive the night.

I know you're trying

To make me just right, boy

I know you're hoping

I'll become your toy

Well, being your toy

Won't satisfy me

Just being your toy

Well…

It isn't real, boy.

I need a man.

SJL: 14^th May, 2007

Who?

I know you want me to fight you,
But I'm sorry
There's not enough left of me
For you
To take a piece.

I know you want me to walk away,
But I'm sorry
There's not enough left of me
For you
To fold in two.

I know you think you understand,
But I'm sorry
I'm just blowing in the breeze.
And you,
You can't catch me.

The Abandoned Ones

And all her hope
And all her song
Hung in the spider's web
Between her ribs

And all those dreams
Which lay, too long,
In the attic
Of abandoned cribs -

And all the babes
Who can't belong
Decayed and crumbled
In that womb

And every step
That she called "wrong"
Could have thwarted
Her stone tomb.

SJL: 6th July 2006

Arrival.

We waited,
And you arrived.
You grew within me,
And you said goodbye.

Wait

Blood creeps down my leg,
And so you have not come.
I tell myself:
It was not meant to be.
And I wait.
I bleed the seed,
And let it be.

I was so sure,
But.

You will come.


SJL: 31ST January 2006

Your Name

 

          I will scatter petals of flowers

At your feet,

If you find no path.

          I will pattern crystals of light

Through your night-time,

If that time is dark.

          I will raise a canopy of leaves

High above you,

Lest the sun may burn.

          And I will draw sweet beads of starry dew

From my fingers,

For to quench your thirst.

 

          I will write your name

          In rainbows

          Or in thunder.

          I will write your name.

 

 

SJL: 17^th June, 2003

 

 

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Well,

Well, I wanted to write you a poem

You'd be sure was just for you.

To slide over your fingers

Soft pillow familiar, red-ribboned new.

So I thought I might start with your brown eyes,

Earth-deep gentle and silent,

That house many multitudes

Of whispers – soft, honestly sentient…

But what can words say of your lovely eyes?

They cannot be referenced

Or filed alphabetically –

Gorgeous great meadows that will not be fenced.

And could I describe your pale, smooth shell voice

Safe as moss and crystal clear?

Do I really wish to try,

Or let it swim freely, gossamer sheer –

No. I shall not textualise you.

I think I want you to be free, my love.

Free of wordy descriptions

Inadequate adjectives

And kindly meant poetic precriptions…

I want to love you. Let me.

 

SJL: 19^th September, 2006

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Unconsecrated

Do they see me, from that Grave Watchtower;

Do they know these salty tears

Which trickle, dusty, down my neck?

My forehead creased by heavy years –

I shoulder the burden of my death

Alone, each solitary hour.

 

I hear the chimes of passing memory –

Anachronisms of an existence –

I lie beyond this dreadful passing,

But what remains beyond past sentience?

A lonely street, this road of ending

My only song, this elegy –

A lonely place, I'll not pretend:

Within my sights, exists no end. 

 

SJL: 4^th March, 2004

---

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Unremarkable

If you cannot remember my face or my name,

Think of my madness –

Remember how completely I crumple and fold,

How crippled I am by my shame…

 

Think of the complexity of my tone,

The bewildering dance that I step –

The places I hide, the candles I carry,

And why I am always alone.

 

Recall how I always say things askew,

My clumsy nerves and inconsistencies,

How fragile and tiny I am, sometimes –

Please remember how much I need you.

 

If you did not remember my name or my face,

Pretend, at least, that you thought of me

And loved me a little, love me still -

And I'll welcome you home with well-rehearsed grace,

 

And wear a face you'll remember next time.

 

SJL: 30^th May, 2004

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treading water

I am enslaved to promises

I have no wish to keep –

Though you are not here to soothe my tears,

I am still screaming in my sleep.

 

I would give to you my life,

My heart – each drop of crimson blood –

For without you I am broken, bleeding;

Drowning in the flood.

 

The rose which grew from dust

Is dying as each petal falls,

And the wind is tearing, bitter,

Through this shelter devoid of walls.

 

How can I swim,

If I have not the strength or will

To rage, to fight against the crow

As he swoops, crying for the kill?

 

SJL: 5^th September, 2004

 

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Third Haiku-ish

Butterfly has flown

Before his fist could crush her.

In a place that none can reach,

She can be her own.

 

 

SJL: 21^st June, 2003

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The seas of change are reflecting the sun.

Wide, sparkling eyes

Glistening with frozen tears –

Glistening with that shimmer

Of something new springing from the old,

A light yet untouched by the years –

The unending passing from summer to winter,

Filled with dazzling stories, yet still untold.

 

Behold! Behold!

The lonely passer-by,

As he walks the winding streets

Of past into present-time,

Would swear he saw her cry

In that sacred place where memory meets

With future's endless summertime.

 

The trickling tears she weeps

Make streams of crystal on her cheek,

As they are drawn into the ground

And become the new day, borne

Of the bold and of the meek,

As lost submerges into found

And sunset entwines with dawn.

 

The passer-by hurries

And crosses to the other side,

Fearing the falling of the wall

Between yesterday and tomorrow –

Parting shore from the tide –

The difference between nothing and all –

And why hope cannot grow from sorrow.

 

It has ne'er been done, ne'er been done!

Freedom can't come of impossibility –

Surely reality doesn't grow from dreams?

How can she see the unseen?

How does a dream hold such virility –

Why is not all as it seems?

It seems where we are going is where we have been!

 

Confusion – truth or delusion?

The border has faded between what we know

And what we hope might be –

Imagination and sight are made one,

The stream of consistency has altered its flow –

Likening what we imagine and what we can see,

The seas of change are reflecting the sun.

 

What is reality?

The borders of our minds erased

We begin to accept the paths brambles cover

And see beyond the skies –

And thy people, open-mouthed, amazed

As the enemy becomes the lover

And true love never dies.

 

 

 

SJL: 14^th June, 2001

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The Painter (Rose Carruthers)

I am She who will not be subdued

Who will not be repressed

I am She with assertion swaying in Her hips

Seduction rising in Her breast

And rebellion stained red across her lips

(and rebellion stained red across Her lips)

I am She who will be obeyed

Who will be Remembered

I am She

I am All that I have made:

The crimson of the ribbon at my throat

The blackness of my lashes, and

The rich green shining moat

of iris which surrounds my centre

I am the Eye

And I am the paleness of bare skin

I am She

And I will not be subdued.

The Lighted Inn

Did you hear me
In the night
Cry out for comfort,
Plead for light –

Will you know it
When I die
Will you feel, that
Time is nigh?

Did I hurt you
When I turned
To face the dark –
To journey back
Where no light burned
And none awaited
My return?

I left no mark
For you to trace,
I left no image
Of my face –

You’ll find no footstep
In the dust,
Nor find a keeper
Of my trust –

Do you notice
Every sigh,
Will you hold each
Close at your side?
Where secrets lie,
You’ll find some solace
By the by –

And in the dusk
Will find a friend,
A minstrel
At the journey’s end.

You will hear me
If I call –
Be by my side
When I fall,

But I’m alone
As it ends –

Your time goes on
Beyond my death.
My treasured friend,
You’re not forgotten
As I pass
My final breath –

It’s not the end.


SJL: 16th January, 2004

the ballad of the modern girl

Arabella does all right
With her detachable grace
And cynical painted face.

They must think her very fine,
Though her wine is lacking taste
And her jewels are made of paste –

It’s not a high price to pay
In this modern day
For survival.

The pocket of her apron
Where she stifles any shames
(She can’t remember their names)
Can be forgotten.

Yes, her nights are spent alone,
But, when all is done and said,
She is never short of bread –

It’s not a high price to pay
In this modern day
For survival.

No time for feeling or faith
Or human interaction –
It would be a distraction
(Who needs it, anyway?)

She can daub on the lip-gloss
As she decides what to be –
And she’s all right, isn’t she?

But it’s a high price to pay
In the cold light of day
For survival.



SJL: 21st October, 2003

States of Matter

My hair swims, singing,
Along the fragile whisper
Of spring’s near-silent changelings –
Elfin children dancing
In these meadows
Lost in time –
In gentle persuasion,
Bidding me follow;
Pursue these longings
That the bitter winter’s frost
Suffocates
So completely.

My skin slips into
The moist, supple greenness
Of this… pulsating grassland –
And I am willing
To relent
Ready to surrender –
And I prepare for the transition
To surpass immortality,
I am willing, I am waiting,
I am ready for the climax –
I am liquid;
I am vapour.

I am.




SJL: 7th April, 2004

Special

I will say: “yes, sir”
As you admonish me
And I will sacrifice
My dignity
And I promise to believe in
Every ugly word you speak
For maybe you will love me
If I submit, if I am meek.
I will present myself
To your hand,
I will tell you I am sorry
And that I understand.
I won’t ask you not to hurt me
For I know I have caused this pain.
Nor will I insult you with barren promises
That I’ll not anger you again.
I will bite my tongue,
I will hide my face
And try not to cry, as I shrink away
Into my silent place.
I will wait there
Until you beckon me
To stand before you – tiny
In cowed humility.
I know I am not forgiven –
I have not the audacity
To imagine that these few sharp blows
Were enough to absolve me.
I will be quiet
And I will be still
And steel myself to swallow
That most bitter pill –
I will thank you, sir,
For beating me
And for not tolerating
My wrongness, my stupidity –
I will thank you for your discipline,
I will thank you for your command
I will love you for each blow, each word –
Each biting reprimand.
I will beg you not to hate me,
And plead with you not to leave
And, knowing it comes at a price –
I will ask you for reprieve.
And so I will redeem myself
In the only way I can
And hope that in my prostitution
You will feel like a man.

SJL: 12th May, 2004

Sometimes, I Bite.

I will stroke you with a feather,
And sing sweetly, like a lark.
I will colour you
With large languid drops
Of tenderness.

(And sometimes,
I bite)

I will drink you like water,
And crawl into your mouth
So you can taste me.
I can tease you
Like a dancer

(And sometimes,
I bite)

I will stare with wide moon eyes
And kiss away your night;
Flinch and flutter
Like a wren,
And stalk in tiger strides

(And sometimes,
I bite)

I can intoxicate -
Headier than a bath of roses,
And kiss as sweet
As fragrant honey.
Or as hot as blood.

Sometimes,
I bite.

SJL: 4th September, 2006

solstice

Well,
It looks like rain –
Looks like the world
Can be as new,
Again.


Falling,
And creating
Quiet earthquakes
Upon the ground.
Waiting.

Running,
Far from something –
It hides beneath
The grateful soil,
Sleeping.

Softly,
Caress my skin.
Teach me, somehow –
Silently, creep
In.

Well,
It looks like rain –
Looks like this world
Can be as new,
Again.

SJL: 22nd June, 2003

Ship in a Bottle

I see you. Can you see me?
Why is Death the only Friend
Who can ever set me free?
And I’m so afraid – I shan’t pretend
Of what awaits me there;
The only way I might escape,
To cease to be. Is that unfair?
To reside in this amorphous shape
Until my soul explodes –
Only then, this icy shell will crack,
And I suppose the pain erodes –
Or not. There will be no way back.

SJL: 18th March, 2004

She Knew That This Wasn't Goodbye

She turned to him,
Her glowing face
Looking up to him,
Her golden curls
Framing her rosy cheeks
With timeless grace
And unquestionable beauty.

Her rosebud lips parted
As the silence hung tight –
Hesitating, in trembling suspense
As the tears gathered
Like crystals in her eyes,
Twinkling in the soft moonlight
As they quietly fell.

The only sound all around
Of hushed, gentle breathing
Echoing like thunder
And shattering the peace
Of the calm, tranquil night
As they both stood grieving
For the loss of the day.

Her sadness caught
And scraped at the air
As a sob crossed her lips,
Slicing the stillness
And drowning the silence –
Though she swore she’d ne’er
Cry before him.

The tears crashed more suddenly,
As the still night woke
And cut through the silence
As she bowed her head
And lowered her eyes,
For the shame that she broke
Their unspoken promise.

Now he turned away
As she’d broken their gaze,
And stared at the stars
And tried not to think,
For he was breaking her heart
In so many ways –
How could he look at her eyes?

He remembered that time
When they were acquainted
And so was he magicked
By those bewitching green eyes
That when they were parted
He searched and he waited
In the hope that they may meet again.

And when he had found her
He held her so tight
And vowed that he’d keep her,
That he’d never leave her –
As he clasped both her hands
And led her into the night
And they danced by the light of the stars.

Now he was leaving
For battlefields afar
And he knew that he must say goodbye
For he was travelling so long
And might never return,
Though he wished on a star
And prayed he might see her again.

Now his eyes too glistened
With quivering tears,
As his unruly curls
Fell over his face
And hid from her sight
The questioning fears
That she never wanted to see.

He glanced to his lady
And once again met her eyes
Before looking up sharply
When her eyes begged for contact,
And he stood there, staring –
Scanning the midnight skies
For an answer, an escape from the pain.

He spotted a star
That so brightly shone –
He couldn’t alter his stare,
For it held him a prisoner
As did her eyes
When they first became one
So long ago, so far from tonight…

“You see yonder star?”
As for the first time
He shattered the silence,
“The brightest one there –
The glory of the heavens
As you are mine
So precious, so treasured –

So strong, yet so delicate
With the strength of the moon
And gentleness of Angels
So alike thee,
But lonely as well
As you shall be soon
When I am gone,

But I shall return
Sweet Angel of mine,
So when you feel saddened
Remember these words
And look at the stars
Whilst you are passing the time
‘Till we are together once more.

That star is us
Shining brightly as one,
And it shall be as bright
As ever it was –
For still our hearts are together
When I am gone
And no moment shall pass when I think
not of you –“

Their gaze met once more
And a few moments passed,
As they stood in the moonlight –
Hands within hands,
Counting their time together
Until she asked;
“When again shall I see you, sweet love?”

“When you look at the stars”
Came his whispered reply
As he leant towards her
And their lips met.
They prayed for each-other
With their silent good-bye –
For they knew that they had forever.

As he rode to the distance
And into the night,
She gazed at the skies
Whilst she thought of those words
With not a tear in her eye
As the day sprang from night –
For she knew that this wasn’t goodbye.


SJL: 23rd January, 2001

Second Haiku-ish

Seemingly extinct
Yet still it lingers.
Spirit of the past
Softly penetrates the Now.


SJL: 21st June, 2003

Reflections on the water.

Sweet lady Fate, a secret daughter –
(I sent a message on the water)
Be as it mote,
(- Like a sail-boat)
Or as it seems,
(Made of dreams.)

Sailboat on its sacred trip
(Like a raft, a merchant-ship,)
Journeys due North
(To carry forth)
To Maiden, fair –
(A silent prayer -)

For to discuss my problem with her,
(I watched it glide across the river,)
It ripples in
(I saw it spin)
The water.
(And falter,)

Far ahead in the dark night
(I watched as it sailed out of sight -)
A cool, still beach –
(And bid it reach)
My message, sent
(Where it was meant.)

Shall find her there.
(I know not where.)

SJL: 3rd February, 2004

Raindrops and Sand Dunes

Heavy droplets splashing and crashing,
Making crystal trails along her face –
Cooling her skin, and crowning her hair;
Drumming a rhythm, and soaking the Earth,
Leaving just a darkened trace
Of the smooth, fluid opals.

The rain on her face hides the tears in her eyes
As she watches the world storming by
-A world shooting at rainclouds,
Drawing water from the lands,
And clawing, clutching at the sky
Because someone has stolen their rain.

She sees her world, but it is changing
For she has been made an enemy, a foe
To people who might have been friends,
To people that she never knew,
To people she might still never know –
But people, people all the same.

The water is crashing around her
As she sits, staring up at the rain and the sky
Smiling softly, blissfully to herself,
For she knows that no one will see her
As the world busily passes her by
And she is alone with the water and the Earth.

Because the rain will not fall –
And because the sky is grey and cold,
Does not make the desert your enemy;
Doesn’t mean that the sea is your friend –
And because the truth is untold,
It does not mean there’s a secret.

As the rain washes away her tears
And rinses the sadness from her eyes,
She lays on the ground, and smiles up at the sun
And knows that the rain will return,
And knows that the sky never dies
And embraces the sands of the deserts –
And loves the sea, just the same.

SJL: 8th October, 2001

railway inn, 3rd of June

I felt you arrive, you know.
Same as I did
At Caffe Nero’s,
Same as I have done
Every time
You have walked into a room
That I was in.

I knew it was time to go,
From where I hid -
Music videos
Loud and hot as guns -
You weren’t mine
But I was yours to consume.
I hold no pin:

Your cool river free to flow
Just as it did
When this woman chose
To stand in the sun
- out of time –
Though she would never presume
To mark your skin.

Yes, now it is time to go.
And you forbid
That I come, and pose
Something that you shun
As you mime…
Something simple to resume?
What was within,

Sleeps With Butterflies, you know.
Same as she did
When we were not close:
Before the bright sun
Of your mind.
This woman does not presume
To mark your skin.



SJL: 4th June, 2006

Origami

Fragile.
As a paper swan
Gliding o’er a pool of crystal
Glistening in near-darkness –
Waiting,

Regretful
For another man’s sorrow –
Tears in the darkness,
Invisible,
But not silent.

Chill and eerie
Is the eve –
Colder still, the night:
The night which falls
As water.

Crashing, bubbling,
The tide of darkness, ever descending
And you are drowning
Beneath the stars –
Under.

To be tossed by thund’rous oceans
As a paper boat
By the hand of a child,
Discarded
Upon the stream

Forgotten?


SJL: 1st June, 2003

one way street

Well, there you were.
Slouching in a yellow shirt.
There I was,
(noit'sfineIamnothurt)
Heading for the door.

You saw me
I know you did, your eyes
Slid from my face,
(noreallypleasedon'tsympathise)
And found the sterile ground.

Irrationally, I felt afraid
That somehow, you could see
Crystal clearly
(it'sfinehundon'tyouworryaboutme)
My love for you lapping

At the shore
Of your demenour.
You were so good, you were so sweet
(So casual: pretend you did not see her)
You looked into my face

And said, Respect
That night, last week.
You did not see my face last night
(that'srightsolitudeiswhatIseek)
You did not look.

I told Martin,
“I am in love with him.”
Martin said, I know you are.
(ohyesIonlycamehereonawhim)
He knew. He knows.

SJL: 4th June, 2006

one feather

I found a feather on my pillow.
No stains
Nor profanity –
But simply this:
A feather,
On my pillow.

I was encircled by One Black Bat
- Ellipsed –
As I slowly walked
In twilight blue
Still singing
Of butterflies.

Nine bells rang out as I thought of him
And I,
One young, pale woman,
Sat in a tree
Filled with bats
Touched by feathers.

SJL: 4th June, 2006

if you have ever

If you have ever watched the warm rain falling,
Reminding you of Nature’s patient geometry
As it circles its existence upon the limpid surface of a pool –

If you have ever caressed the smoothness of rock
As it forms a gentle island
Amidst the whiteness that lies below the sands of reminiscence –

If you have ever drunk in the subtle enormity of clouds
While they danced and swam
The twilight oceans of eternity’s endless sky –

If you have ever breathed the silken lovingness
Of the Moon’s simple poetry,
As it blinks and kindly opines from its own cold remembrance –

If you have ever sung the Nomadic epic stories
Told unto you by the cool and steady ground,
As softly, you conversed with its silent understanding –

If you have ever opened yourself
To the wise and auburn intensity of fire
As its heat became your hope, your pure and selfless Messiah –

If you have ever seen –

If you have ever known –

If you have ever dreamed –

If you have ever –

You will know my name,
And you may call me yours.





SJL: 1st August, 2002

greenwood marriage

Bluebells tripping at my heels
As I venture, ever further,
Out of, and into, time –
And with each step comes certainty
That this place is mine,
That the forest speaks my name.

I make no claim on any home –
I was not born among these trees,
Nor will it be my resting-place –
But, for these few and fleeting moments,
This is where I have always been,
Here is where I shall remain.

This place will never turn from me,
I shall never stand unwelcomed, here –
Nor is there obligation,
Or any expectation –
Simply the realisation
That here, is where I am.

SJL: 1st May, 2004

Glass Woman

I flinch, afraid to trust in you
Lest you drop me –
For I remember, still, how hard
Is the brutal floor below.

I keep my distance,
Lest this jagged edge
Might cut you,
As it has wounded many in the past.

For then, I would be discarded
- Recycled into something
More useful than I was in life –
More pleasing to the eye.

You might use me as a chalice
From which to drink my sacrifice,
From which you may be refreshed
By the coolness of my submission –

My willingness to please,
My desire to fit your hand,
That you might love my creation
The way you could not love me.

SJL: 12th May, 2004

Foreign Body

An inner scream?
What does that mean, anyway?
The sense of vacuous self-delusion
Which belies
A psychedelic desperation:
The agony of
Broken dreams, tortured hope –
Barren love? Fruitless affections?

How, then, do I scream?
Do I open-up my soul
And let them see my pain, my love –
The charred remains
Of my secret pyre of smothered dreams,
Wailing like babes abandoned?
Abandoned in the rain
That’s keeping me from sleep.

The tears that come
Come not from me –
But from some expectation:
Some socially-acceptable display
Of something far from what I feel.
If, indeed, I do feel.
These tears are alien to me
And my system must reject them.

Truth is beauty,
Like a dark, haunting image –
A painting of famine or death or greed
By some starving artist,
Ragged and hollow-cheeked…
If only these tears belonged to me,
If only there was some release,
If only I could bleed.

But they are alien to me.

Should I, like Dido,
Climb upon the pyre
And sacrifice myself
For love, for truth…
And cry out that I believe,
That I shan’t abandon ship
But choose, instead,
To sink beneath the surface?

Dare I, to be free?

These tears are alien to me.

SJL: 17th December, 2003

Fold

As an insect sheltered
‘Neath one withered, trembling leaf;
A footstep
Loud in the darkness –

She felt alone, but, more than that
- Exposed.

She felt the bitter wind would tear
Her tissue-paper soul.
And, ragged,
She must absorb the rain.

And so she folded.
So she remains.



SJL: 10th October, 2003

First and Final

Never before have I cried this way
Or suffered more intensely
In the name of love;
Shaken by sobbing as I lay
On this floor, unfamiliar
And devoid of comfort –
Never so unwilling to obey
That screaming voice of reason
And instinct to preserve,
As I beg and plead with you to stay.
Despite your doubting eyes,
Never again
Will a woman love this way.

SJL: 2nd February, 2005

Empty Vessel

I’ll see you
When you emerge
From the dark, cold lagoon.
I’ll find you
When the blood starts
Coursing through your veins once more.
I’ll touch you
As you run
From the whispered monsters of the night
Don’t fear it:
There is no time.

When your screams turn to dust
And the tears fall away
And seep
Into the dry, cracking Earth –
Don’t waste it:
It will consume you.

You could tell a thousand stories
Of agony and fear –
Don’t waste the ecstasy of sorrow:

One day
You’ll be praying for the tears to come.
But you’ll be barren.

SJL: 14th December, 2003

distilled ecstacy

Making love with you
Bathed in moonlight
- Exhilarated by the chill
Of the caressing summer breeze
Beneath the fire, this starry blanket,

Soaked in Midnight blue –
Us, and the Night,
No one exists besides, until –
Don’t let this be the end, Love, please,
Absorb the Night, that we may keep it –

Treasure my heart within your locket,
And let me always keep you warm.
I’ll be your calm, I’ll be the storm;
I will shelter and caress you
- I will love you. Always You.


SJL: 2nd August, 2004

disposable princess

My princess in a tower -
I shall rescue her;
Bring her to my castle,
Comfort her – the worst is over now.

My disposable princess,
I can put her in a box,
And there she shall remain
Until I want her back again.

Dry your tears, princess,
For you have been Saved.
Better in your box than the tower, my sweet,
For I saved you from the jaws of the dragon.

And I love you,
Though I will not show it to you -
Though I leave you in the cold
Of the castle I deserted.

So be grateful, princess,
For as long as I keep you,
Neatly folded in white tissue-paper
There is a chance that you might be Whole.

For you can wait, my dear
- What else have you to do?
Try not to stain the wrappings,
With your careless bleeding.

But I Love you,
What reason have you to doubt it
When I went to so much trouble
With the tying of these ribbons?




SJL: 22nd September, 2004

dance the vine

Sometimes, the dark cat sips
(Waiting
Wanting
Wanton,)
as she paws the coiled
purple grape serpents
with love
and violent hunger.
Slice them apart,
She suggests
As she turns her back on me.
(It doesn't matter to me,
She says.)
I do not slice them,
but step away. Grace
has left me
Her feathers
and I could fly away.
If I chose.
I do not fly.
I wait, as the snakes unfurl
And become,
once again,
purple red warm blood
pooled on the floor
of my bathroom.
The dark cat laps into
Her hot mouth
and is gone.
I did not choose.


SJL: 17th September, 2006

black-berrying

Majestic, over-arching boughs
Of deepest purple, tempting
Treasures, glistening wickedly
To eager, warm mouths –

And swooping, flashing from the skies:
Shining birds who boldly hold
The sweetest, glossy berries
In their sharp, hot eyes –

Go children, pulled from soft, safe lawn
To the cackling tendrils’ snare,
By promised fruit: wet, sharp, sweet…
Lips stained, play-clothes torn –

What will Mother say? Can she know?
Guilty pleasures: childhood’s bite –
White lace cuffs stained bluish-red,
Hair teased from its bow.

SJL: 10th September, 2005

better left unsaid

Crumpled.
Like a discarded poem
- As empty verse
Scrawled across
A tarnished page.

Nothing.
Unimportant, undesired;
Invisible?
Creased and torn
- Long forgotten,

Unsaid.
Did I ever really live?
And do these words
Hold meaning
- Unseen, unread?

Unread.
And so, here I lay dying
- Or maybe dead -
Either way
I am silent.

SJL: July, 2003

Bar End

They stabbed a road through Twyford Down
And then they paved the meadow
- So the people may conveniently park their pollutants,
For convenience is ever
Our watchword, you know




SJL: August, 2003

and the rains have come

And the rains have come.
Hard, soft
The rains
Have come.

A painted red stone
Is bright
Among the grasses,
Wet

Under the caress
Of the hard soft
Silent
Thunderous rain.

The painting
On the lawn
Is curling
And becoming

The water.
Bethyn’s scarf
Wetter
Than the sea.

The wounded meadow
Grateful
And quiet.
Drinking

The enormity of Everything.
Thunder sounds
All is waiting
Listening

Answering the call
With quiet
And
With motion.

The beans twine
Clockwise
About their tower
And softly

Sound their song.
Kittens
Clawing at the doors
Intoxicated

Crazed by the
Gentle deadly power
Of the world
That is them

And all around.
Purple geraniums
Appear beaten down
But their secret

Is the strength
This torrent brings them,
The defiance
That thunder

Impregnates
Us
All
With.


SJL: 4th June, 2006

An Elegy

Poor Phaedra –
Ought I to starve myself, slowly?
Must I be punished for this love
I have tried, for so long, not to feel?
And I, by this definition, lowly -
And thus I hide beneath this meter,
As I refuse my final meal
And accept the penalty of death.
Poor I.


SJL: 10th March, 2004

A Necessary Abstraction

You would stay well away from me
If you were being wise –
There is a lot more going on, in here,
Than you see in my eyes.

You see, I’ve had an awful lot of time
To perfect this art of hiding behind
Elaborate masks of my construction –
To protect my mind.

And this deception is not a selfish one:
I really have no choice.
I have a duty to protect you all
From this screaming inner voice –

Please, do not come too close to me,
Our hearts must never meet;
For I am composed of jet-black fire
And am consumed by bright white heat.

Be careful not to burn yourself
On my painful memories –
Because this scarring’s very far from healed,
And it thrives on sympathies.

My dearest, if I must run from you,
Then it is not done out of spite,
But I will never let you join me here
In this endless absence of light.

SJL: 19th March, 2004

A Haiku-ish

Out of sight. Just as
The willow, weeping softly
But never reaching water.
Falling out of sight.



SJL: 8th June, 2003

A Dragonfly Is Never Ugly

A dragonfly whirls into focus
To interrupt the photograph –
A moment of purest beauty
Brightly intrudes on the planned, quiet picture –
Is the photograph not more beautiful, then,
For that pixel of joy?
The photographer may mourn the loss
Of his simple, contrived image –
But the world is enriched
For that purest wild beauty.

SJL: 9th June, 2004

a distant face

When I leave you
It isn’t
Though you will never hear my voice,
Or know my song.

When I’m gone
You’ll know
Each time the gentle flowers bloom,
In every field.

You’ll hear me
In the
Whispers of every blade of grass,
Only softly.

I’ll be there
In all
The butterflies of your garden,
In the meadows.

I shall be
Always
A distant face in the window,
But silently.

When I leave you
You’ll see
In every star and each moon-beam,

How I love you.




SJL: 9th July, 2003

13th December

Dance,
he said:
And I shall tell you
That you're beautiful.
Too late,
I said:
I have seen it
For myself.

(wings)

Do not imprison in thy strong hands
The delicate painted butterfly.
Force her not to tremble
And disperse the magical dust
Which tempts such delicate wings to flight.

Extend instead a tender palm
To feel the brush of tiny feet
And the slightest breeze of flapping wings
As she cometh willingly
To rest within thy gentleness.

Allow her to be free.



SJL: March, 2003

(watermeadows)

A feather drifting on the stream
Like a sailboat –
White as spirit, softer than the breeze,
Dancing
As you chased after it for me –
I know I must be in a dream
And this, a moat,
Surrounds the castle no other sees –
Shining,
A beautiful eternity.

SJL: 23rd July, 2004

(Wan'dring)

Apparently, I was born
Under a wand’ ring
Star.
Sadly, no one told me so.
But now I know.
Who knows whither
I’ll travel next?
How far,
Whether I shall rest?

It seems,
Not yet.

SJL: 31st January, 2004

(origin)

Follow the breeze
To the place
Which no man sees –

And become
The wind
As it began.

Follow the stream
Until you reach
The current’s dream –

Give yourself
To origin
And to life.

SJL: July, 2003

(lunar song)

Watching you glowing
-A luminous effervescence
Dispersing softly into
The liquid, milky sky

I wonder how it is that I,
Lying here, staring outside
Can see it; can feel them
-Other creatures staring too?

As the world floats around you
I see the wonders
Of life, and the night
-And I can’t help but dream.

So magic you seem,
That only I can see it –
But I wonder who else
Is gazing, just like me?

Who else can see?
Who are the dreamers,
Staring through their windows
And out into the night –

Lit alone by your light?
-And I can’t help but wonder
As I lay here, swirling
And listening to the skies;

Can they hear my happy sighs?
Is there another moon-gazer
Lying there, dreaming –
Could they be thinking of me?

For who knows what they see?
When the light swims inside them –
And who knows what they dream?
As I lay here, floating in your aura
-And smiling from inside.


SJL: October, 2001

(I love you,)

I love you,
Though I feel discarded,
Insecure -
Terrified this neurosis might imbue
What already has diminished.

I hate myself for knowing
That loud as I may roar,
I love you no less
With each rejection -
Still, I seek refuge on your shore.

I hate the realisation
That as you read these words,
You will sigh -
In "Not this, again!" Resignation,
And, perhaps, you wonder "Why?"

SJL: 15th October, 2004

(for an acorn)

I sold my soul for an acorn
Now all that remains
Is this body
Bound and broken

SJL: Mackay; AU, 2004

(disturbed brunette) a magnetic fridge poem.

disturbed brunette
got to eat yourself away
her terrible intergalactic body disorder occurs
steals her perfect spine.
wild truthiness
pulled into loud medieval clowning
sexy?
redundant flailing friend and lover
shouldn't
wouldn't
couldn't
can't
won't!
give your ethereal castles their story
love said this
without eye or sound
only an eternity
that is our sad hullabaloo
yes
a bizarre traffic fire
and lost daughters ostracised
made banisher or
bulldozer of laughing humour

my serene happy ness

big red jumper orange pants
she can smell raspberry pancakes

his manly
cool bright muddy shape
lurks incommunicado elsewhere
to cut the sticky lies
stab! l l
the draconian nuclear radiation service
her warmly hypnotic exterior
a long soft voluptuous antithesis
to their destructive ethnocentric microwave

therefore

yes l
you crawl
sweetly slimy
out

please stand back
to justly lead us
ever smaller
with only flames and dirt

not fake shiny rockets

or hardly there hipsters


SJL: 6th March 2006

(Dead Weight)

How terrible it is
To be a burden –
For they shall be sick of you,
Little girl,
Someday.
Make them a dance,
Turn them a twirl –
Make them want you.
For if they don’t,
What remains of you, then?
They won’t come back,
And you’ll lose your way –
They won’t turn back,
Or throw you a glance –
They shan’t remember your name,
Little girl;
There will be no second chance.
Not for you.

SJL: 15th March, 2004

(Clarity)

Water;
I must drink of purity,
I must cleanse and make clean
The ugliness within.
Water;
I must take you into me,
And hope you may absolve
A little of my sin.
Water;
I must swim, I must sink –
Drown beneath him, as
I silently fall in.

SJL: 16th March, 2004

(Bound and Broken)

Bound and broken, I remain:
No wish, nor hope
To entertain –
But the scornful tone
Of your disdain,
And the burning
Of this bitter rain.

SJL: 2nd February; 2005

(an apple)

One day,
the girl walked down to the bottom of her garden
to see all that grew there.
She looked at the jasmine,
the holly-bush
and the tiny apple tree.
And she gasped
and leaped with joy,
for upon that tiny apple tree,
upon one slender, green branch
hung an apple.
Small and green, shiny and round –
A perfect apple.
And so she danced, for the apple,
for the tree,
for the glory of the world
and the wonder of the universe.
The sun set as she danced,
and when she was done
she left the little garden
and skipped back into the house.
The next morning,
she returned –
and gasped and leaped with joy,
for upon the tiny apple tree,
upon one slender, green branch
hung another apple.
The girl danced.
As she danced,
Fruit after beautiful fruit appeared
until that little tree was laden with round, shiny
perfect apples –
and then the jasmine blossomed,
the holly swelled,
and the garden was a crescendo of tendrils,
green and new,
Entwining
And stretching into the sky.
The garden was full,
and the ivy creeped out into the street,
and the maple bowed deeply
and embraced the garden next-door.
Nature’s bounty grew and grew
As the girl danced,
until all the world – the great, wide world
was green and twining,
organic and pulsating,
clean and powerful
As it once was.
Long before the garden, the girl
And her dance.

SJL: 29th August, 2005

(abandonment)

As you pushed me from your raft
And into the icy waters beneath –
And surrounding –
I kicked, I screamed, I begged you:
Do not do this, please!
But I am weak
And I am tired, still,
From all that came before.
I have not the strength to fight;
My clothes – still heavy;
Still soaked, so cold.
And so I let you drown me.
Indirectly.
I watch you leave me.
Consequentially,
I am consumed.
I love you no less.

SJL: 11th August, 2004

(Abandoned)

Please tell me I shall not remain
In this silent place –
Lie to me as you see fit,
If pretence
Might alleviate this pain.

Say you can’t leave me dying here,
Do not turn away –
Can you watch me suffering
And, unmoved,
Find absolution from this Fear?

And what Fear, this is, within me –
This consuming Fear
Of you leaving me behind.
Must I stay?
Is leaving me so easy?

Do you just push me from your mind?
Have I done you Wrong?
Don’t you think this punishment
Far greater
Than my heart can ever bear?

Can you think these actions kind?




SJL: 4th March, 2004